You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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