he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
