ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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