Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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