did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
