Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
