I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pants are for mortals
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
