Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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