please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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