So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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