I'm going to jail i love you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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