What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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