Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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