So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
