i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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