This girl is more easily done than said...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
