i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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