I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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