Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
