He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
