i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
