how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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