I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
