false alarm. still invincible.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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