She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
