party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
