TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Congratulations! We have a period
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