he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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