I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
