he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
