You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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