I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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