I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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