Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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