Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
