I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
