It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
