It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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