shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
