You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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