she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
