Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
