I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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