I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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