it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
