I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
