I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
