somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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