Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
