Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Still dying that you shit outside
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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