your room smells of hookers.
And success
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
