Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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