My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
