She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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