Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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