in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
