Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wear drunk well.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
