I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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