dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
