weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
