You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
