Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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