she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
