I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
