everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
