I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
