just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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