Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
