Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
